So the title's a bit funny right?! Nothing compared to the story behind it...
About two years ago, I remember running across the terminal in Vancouver B.c. with a warm sandwich in one hand and a Starbucks Latte in the other. I had to change crews and planes, get across the terminal and grab something to eat in under 25 Minutes. The first part of the day started off a bit rough. I was doing a Vancouver turn out of Toronto. It was one of those days... no time for breakfast in the a.m., and having realized that I had undoubtedly forgot my lunch at the crash pad because of the ungodly hour in which I had to be at the airport to check in. (Obviously, right?! ) ... After 5-1/2 hours crossing the country in a plane, I was starving!! Craving a "warm-ish" meal, normally, I would do the classic Sushi run in Vancouver. Instead I decided to stop at the only place that didn't have a long line and served something warm... Subway! So I grab my chicken on brown and hightailed it back to the plane before boarding started without me. Then I see the sign for Starbucks...Oooh boy! I reason with myself that I do have another 5 hours until I get back to Toronto and I could really do with the caffeine boost. So wild-eyed I jumped in the line for Starbucks and freak out the Barista/cashier when I speak faster then her and her "jacked up on caffeine" colleagues normally do. I grabbed my order and start sprinting to the boarding gate. I get onboard to find the in-charge, a male in his 40's, good looking, and a stunning "stew". This Stew was probably in her early 60's but looked like she was from the 60's. Very stylish, very glam... took a lot of pride in her appearance but without looking like Joan Rivers. I introduce myself to both of them and realize the type of aircraft we are on; an A320. We're missing someone!? I tell the in-charge through bites of my sandwich how worried I was about being late, but I can see now I'm not the last one to get on. He tells me that *Laura will be back soon and that she just ran to get herself a coffee "Laura's not in a very good mood..." he adds. The stunning stew and in-charge look at each other, asking the other with squinted eyes if they should take me into their confidence. Finally the in-charge says "Their was a little incident with *Bonnie and Laura on the flight in", he says slowly. "It was hardly an incident" Bonnie grumbles under her breath. The in-charge continues; "Laura was working in business and Bonnie came up to help her give out papers and hang coats...". Bonnie jumps up "I was just trying to help for goodness sakes!! I was going around and collecting coats to hang up and to make my life easier I was carrying the hangers and tags with me. Laura came out of the galley to offer headsets and as I walked back to the closet with a coat laura dropped a headset and bent over to pick it up. I didn't even know what had happened until she started screaming 'STOP STOP don't move.... OUCH!' ".
Turns out that as Laura bent over to pick up the runaway headset she exposed, to the whole first class cabin (over the top of her pants), a giant waistband to a Pink thong. As Bonnie was passing she accidentally hooked her, yes "her", as in her thong and kept walking toward the closet causing Laura to scream out in pain and Bonnie to wonder what the heck was going on. When Bonnie looked down, she was mortified. She unhooked her hanger and looked up toward the passengers in the cabin to see if anyone had noticed. Had they noticed? They all sat there staring agog. The pair of flight attendants, beet red, stood there paralyzed. Laura took off to hide herself in the galley while Bonnie slid back down the aisle muttering "... simple mistake..." and "...who the hell wears those things anyway...?"
As Bonnie finishes up telling me about this hilarious tragedy, I sit there with my mouth hanging open but before I can utter a single word or question, Laura walks onboard white paper cup in hand. She looks rabid. She eyes me, takes a sip of her coffee, and walks toward the group. Bonnie stares at the floor. The atmosphere felt like when two people have a steamy one night 'rendez-vous' and one does not call the day after... or for years. I stand there wondering if I should break the silence by introducing myself. I open my mouth but no words come out. Now I'm standing there frozen with my mouth half open and I look semi-retarded. Bonnie speaks... we all wish she hadn't. "Do you... do you always wear that kind.. well type of underwear??" Her innocent curiosity makes me almost spit-laugh.
Hmmmmm, welcome to the age gap at 35,000 ft!
Next blog : Hong Kong bound. You speak English, the passengers speak Cantonese... No problem!
*Names have been made up, not to hide the actual peoples identity... but just because I don't remember their real ones!
