I've been reading a lot of fellow flight attendant blogs recently, and it seems like it's all the same stuff, "10 Amazing packing tips!" "People who try to score a seat in 1st class!" "How to easily and efficiently navigate an international airport!" "Bizzar-o Passengers!!" and more. And while I, like everyone else, would love to know the oh so magical secret of packing the perfect bag (which according to one news paper article is by starting off wrapping your underwear around something solid like a cosmetics kit and then progressively adding other articles of clothing such as t-shirts, sweaters and finally pants to the now humungous distended roll, and finally putting said bulky roll of fabric in your suitcase. Can you imagine how colossal that roll would be if you were going on a trip for 3 weeks?! The newspaper article points out, that the one design flaw with this idea is that if before you reach your destination, you need to retrieve any article of the clothing it my be "slightly complicated.") and I, along with my fellow blogging F/A's also detest the presumptuous, cheeky people who try to smooth talk us into a plushier seat then the one they paid half the price for, think that sometimes the guy with the "back problem", or the couple on their "honeymoon", aren't all bad guys!
I also find myself pouring over these so called "guides" and "tips" to navigating gigantic airports/customs/and security when really, isn't it as simple as following the "Claim baggage" signs to find the exit. Declaring ALL your cigarettes and wine, from encountering a nasty customs agent with a rubber glove. And taking off your belts and shoes and grinning through clenched teeth as the obese airport security guard gingerly taps your bottom with his metal detector??! Finally, when it comes to "Bizzar-o passengers" I don't need to read and therefore re-live other people's unimaginable nightmares of dealings with other so called humans! I've experienced way to many of these scenarios of my own! Seems harsh, I know, but how else do you suggest I classify a so called "evolved human life form" who in a drunken stupor, falls asleep and precedes to urinate all over himself, soaking the seat, the seatbelt and the carpet all around him?
No. You know what? These stories, blogs and guides posted on blogs by my fellow F/A's are great. They are witty, cheeky, unassuming and almost always completely truthful. I just feel that maybe they can get redundant? I, on the other hand would "j'adore" (as commonly used by my bff Michelle and myself) to take you on a literary adventure of similar comic strengths featuring however, a different subject in point other then the "fill in the blank-adjective" passenger, and instead replacing them for a different case in point... The Cabin Crew themselves!
On an average day I fly with 5-6 different people. Many of whom I've never met before and will most likely never meet again. Potentially once a month I come across maybe one looney passenger. On the flip side, almost everyday that I go to work I come across another "stew" who is a piece of work!
Now, come along my little pasajeros as i take you on a fun-filled undertaking of the world that is 35,000 feet over your head, ruled by lunatics of the finest proportions!
Stay tuned to my next blog that will be entitled "Young stew, Old stew, a Thong and a Hanger!" Buckle up, we may experience some moderate turbulence!
